dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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