I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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