you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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