if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
