my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just want nice things and good sex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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