Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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