Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
