The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
