I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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