How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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