i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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