Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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