i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
