I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
