There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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