i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
