2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
