I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
