I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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