i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
