I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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