My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
