I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
