I wanna passion pit in your ass
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
