this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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