Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
