You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
