Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
