So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
