Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
