Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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