my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
