I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
