I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
