Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
