Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
