??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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