So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
