your thong is hanging out like whoa
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
