Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
