i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
