Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
