Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
