Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
