I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
