yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
