The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
