respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
