can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
