i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
