Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
