why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
