quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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